winners and losers

Having kids now, I can observe how important the concept of winning is to them and how detrimental this concept can be. What a poor job we have collectively done as a society.

In analyzing why winning is important, we can identify many elements. One aspect I am particularly interested in is the concept of attention. I have noticed that this concept of getting attention is possibly misinterpreted as survival: “I am getting attention, so I survive. If I am not getting attention, I will die.” Yes, it’s an extreme example, but there is merit to it.

A great question to ask your little one is, “If nobody looked, would you care about winning?” If the answer is no, then you don’t really care about the actual activity in which you want to win; it’s just a vehicle to get attention.

So, how can we rewire the mindset of winning for the sake of winning? By appraising engagement as well. By asking questions similar to the one above. By actively asking, “Why is X important to them?” and by deeply trying to understand what they are trying to tell us.